Make Good Choices.

My dear grandmother, bless her heart, is never at a loss with old timey anecdotes and cliche catch phrases on self and life improvment. Bless her latter day saints filled heart with her "if not you who? if not now, when?", and "remember, we teach others how to treat us" as she shares the life virtues that 75 years has bestowed upon her. One peice of advice she never fails to add to every letter, message or phone call is "Make good choices". Now- as simple as these words may be in her Mormon mind (There are only TEN commandmandments...right!? But I joke...) the idea behind making GOOD choices can be quite complex and even the blantantly easy and smartest choices can prove challenging to make.

Why is it that we (as women, especially) stay painfully attatched to a dude who is less than worthy? Who treats us like complete shit? Who is NOTHING like that of which we consider a real and plausible partner or even a decent human being at that? The GOOD choice is obvious- DROP the fucking tool and save yourself for someone who deserves you. Who can at least treat you with respect and decency. And then when you dig yourself even deeper into a SHIT HOLE and suddenly long term life commitments become involved (ahem...children--for example)we STILL cant seem to make the CONCIOUS GOOD CHOICE to even do what is best for that CHILD. Are we all so wrapped up in our screwed up psychies and empty, wrong, falsified desires to make the OBVIOUS good choice? Of course the relationship is a simple and relatable example among many (and I like to live vicariously through my TV show alter ego Carrie Bradshaw)But you have to wonder--why must "MAKE GOOD CHOICES" be a term deemed repeatable as if the first, thrid, fiftieth time around still doesnt allow it to register?

And although we may be driven by a force more powerful than our own concience into making the bad decision (or satan as it is known around my grandmas house)really at the end of the day can't you just step back, take all of the lessons of life you have learned about right and wrong and just allow yourself to make a plain 'ol good choice?

Easier said than done, idnt it?

Here is to attempting to make good choices. And... praying for thoes who cannot? That is a good choice, righ grandma?

Sorry to have kept my fans waiting...

HA! Right?

Okay--fahreals though, I will definitely make more of an effort to get on this thing. I really should take more pride in my forms of self expression. Plus my main squeeze has anchored away and joined the Navy...so alas I sleep in his bed in his room in his parents house all by myself. Oh the interesting waters of life we all sail.

Lets talk about bullshit. I am tired of it. I am tired of peoples bullshit. Amidst my loss I have almost take solitude in my own icy fortress of reflection on the people who are in my life. And straight up. I am either TIRED of a lot of people or I am OVER individuals complexes and they way they execute their friendship. Everyone is so fucking deluted, DELUSIONAL and into their own psychie that the mere thought of effort or at least contribution and consideration is utterly impossible to comprehend. For the friends that I CALL constantly. That I INVITE here or there constanstly. That I DRIVE AROUND constantly. That I go above and beyond to let them know how I feel about them and what their friendship means to me and I get back NOTHING of the sort. To the friends who cant even MAKE ME A BIRTHDAY present (I know your broke....but fuck- a homemade card letting me know how much you appreciate my friendship wouldn't hurt).To the friends who indirectly make me feel insecure and inadequite for my skin color. TO THE PEOPLE WHO CAN'T EVEN BRING THEMSELVES TO COMMUNICATE WHEN I AM IN THIS TIME OF NEED! I am spending my time with thoes that are REALLLY reaching out and putting some fucking elbow grease into this thing. My eyes are open. And I will call you out on your bullshit because I have sat back long enough letting everyone walk the fuck over me and dissapoint me time and time again.

This is a new era. I have some priorities. And as much as I do love some of you- I just can no longer make you one...because you really have never made me one.

To the friends who this does not apply to----I owe my undying love, and promise you the friendship I am always capable of and will sustain it 100% because YOU have :]

OVER AND OUT.

I reccomend: PARTY DOWN!

My best friend ( who has my same sense of humor, so I trust his entirely) turned me on to this show. If you have been feelin' any of my other shows...The Office, Summer Heights, blah blah blah you will certainly feeeel this. Plus Jane Lynch can do no wrong. Ever.



If you have comcast on demand check it. On Starz

America: Homophobia of the free.

As much as I LOVE and ADORE Kris Allen and think he deserves all kinds of success because he is terribly talented and has such an amazing, genuine presence that is completely entitled to the label of American Idol I can't help but be completely shocked at the results of last nights show. I thought Adam was going to win it for sure, and when his name was not called last night I couldn't help but think it is because Adam is gay. Adam has been the unstoppable force that oozes star quality since the beginning, owning the stage in a way no one else does. He is original and a real sign of the diversity of the times- with his style and presence he is sooo alternative and I love it. He represents such a different genre and scene- but one that is in FULL FORCE and needs to be represented. I am not even talking about the gay community here, but the semi-hipster, alternative, tattoo having, gauge rocking individuals that make up for a large portion of todays youth. His talent is UNDENIABLE and I just can't believe that he didnt take the title. I can ONLY conclude that this is because he is in fact homosexual and OPENLY so. Apperently from the begginning there has been controversy around this, even effing Bill Conservative fucktard O'riely put his two cents about what an atrocity it is that American Idol is even letting an openly gay man compete....and seeing that Kris is a goood 'ol boy from the south I can only see that this is why he got the title. Don't get me wrong...Kris is AWESOME. But how many other Kris's in the music biz are there? I can name like 20 that make up Vh1's entire video rotation weeknights at 3 am (when they actually play videos.............) There are NO Adams- and the fact that he didn't win I think speaks on the fact that America is not as progressive in some areas as I thought they were, and that there are a lot of people out there plaugued with the terrible social diseas of homophobia.

Adam should get together with Miss California. Two queens just crying over how they lost their crowns because of homosexulaity.

A lot of time on my hands

I Don;t write on this thing nearly as much as a I should. Or would like to for that matter. Plus I am now an Iphone zombie who can barley fathom getting on an actual computer.

I got laid off this summer and will have a lot of free time so I figure this is perfect opperitunity to have a lot of me time and pick up some hobbies and interests Ive been meaning to delv more into.

My Summer Activities Wish List
1. Video Blog. and BLOG ON THIS NONSTOP!
2. Take Swing Dance Lessons.
3. Shoot SHoot Shoooooot.
4. Start my cover band (highly unlikely considering I am a shy mutha fucka)
5. Do a play?
6. Ride my bike.Everywhere.
7. Go out a LOT and enjoy my local nightlife with all my friends who are now 21.
8. Read. And Write. A lot.
9. Take at least one mini vacation.
10. Look for a full time job.
11. Shroom. For real.
12. Ladies<3


Okay- thats it. If I know myself at all I might accomplish....10% of this list? We'll see.



Ps: In reference to my last entry....I now think The Swine Flu was a government conspiracy and a media driven monster that was no worse that the regular, seasonal flu. I have since stopped watching the news.

I am officially scared of the Swine Flu.

It doesn't help that I am a completel hypochondriac. As I sit here trying to focus on an essay that I have been "writing" in my head for the past week, it is clear that my procrastination skills are at its highest and only one of the few things on my list of negitive qualities that isn't allowing me to be at my best.I need to change a few thangs.

I want to feel my best. I want to feel strong, healthy and in tune with myself. This means treating myself with the upmost respect that I possibly can--no matter how difficult it may be.

On my daily regiment:
Excercise
Reletively Healthy diet
B vitamins
Intellectual stimulation


and...(get ready for this one)

minimal marijuana use.

Cus Fuck...if this studpid thing becomes a ture epidemic...I want to be as healthy as humanly possible. My immune system is already shot by nature (and the fact that my mother decided to smoke while pregnant) so I need to do everything I can to up the anty and take as many preventitive measures as I can.

DEFENSE BABY!



Why do things really suck right now? I'm seriously considering moving to Canada.

Or perhaps i just dont give a fuck.

I know I am a half-assed speller and have shitty grammar. I am also extrememly lazy. Its probably one of my biggest vices, if not the worst one. So...

umm juuust deal :] Because I am too lazy to ever fix it.

and (yes, I did just start a sentence with and...AND i didnt even capitalize it bieeetch) even though I am an english/lit major--I concern myself much more with the quality of the thought rather than the form in which it is delivered.

Besides...I smoke a lot of pot

:]

I reckomhend thuhree

Ninja Warrior. Kiiinda like MXC but less rediculous, more legit and equally as entertaining. Waaatch it blood.

Oh, and make sure you are fairly lit when you do so

Tales of the Talentless: Kristen Stewart Edition

Conngradulations Miley Cyrus, your Talentless Skank Crown has been revoked.



The first movie with the newly hyped Kristen Stewart that I ever saw was called "In the Land of Women" or something like that. It featured Adam Brody, Meg Ryan, and that angsty little bitch doing what she does best, playing the "I'm different...I'm a loner...I'm rebellious...I'm complicated" role. With her character in the movie being..well..an angry and confused high school girl in the suburbs her performance was adequate. But why does this same character have to come in the form of...VAMPIRES and AMUSEMENT PARK WORKING COLLEGE KIDS as well???? That bitch HAS NO variety, NO range, and NO TALENT! Sorry hun, the 90's are over and with that please take your hair flipping, arms crossing, jaw shifting inability to express any real sense or range of emotion and just take another bong rip to leave your mousy, bony face sedated and dazed looking. girl has NO sense of what an actor does and was simply born into the biz with family connections as available as prescription pills used for recreational purposes. I guess my motivation to write this came from seeing Adventure Land last night..(which, btw, I give two thumbs down-it is not funny. In fact its not even a comedy. I REPEAT- NOT A COMEDY. Talk about false advertising). The movie had its endearing parts and the main guy was uber cute in the quirky, nerdy enigma that has landed a spot amongst today hunky leading men. Plus I have been a Ryan Reynolds fan since Two Guys a Girl and a Pizza Place. But GODDAM did that skinny, skanky fuckshit of hollywood entitlement ruin the entire thing. She was uncomfortable to watch, unimpressive and all to familiar. Actually, come to think of it, I believe she simply seeks our roles that resemble her own persona in oder to just play herself. All the time. In every fucking movie role she has. And in fact the only redeemable thing about this too-cool-for-school ice queen is her indulgence in the green life- and Im not talkin' environmental friendly here. but then again, that could be a crack pipe. Crack-whore would not fall short on my repitore of vocabulary to describe her.

DON"T BELIEVE THE HYPE! Get this bloodsucking, talentless cunt off of our movie screens and back to the Seattle coffee house circa '94 where she belongs.

I RECCOMEND, part duex.

I have been reppin' this shit for quite some time (as I did with The Office, which many of you have JUST discovered...wah wah wah) but I MUST emphasize the wonderfulness that is Summer Heights High.

Australian mockumentary where ONE dude plays THREE completely different characters, all perfectly and to a fucking T. It is obsence, politically incorrect, and sometimes offensive but ALWAYS hilarious. HBO, blood. CHeck it, its better than flight of the concords annnnyyyday.

Meet Mr. G


Meet Jonah


Meet Ja'mia


Jump the fuck on this and don't be the last to know sucka emceee. You will be glad you did. And if you aren't, thank I do not wish to know you exsist.

STRIKE 3!

At work today I walked inside to wash my hands and my co-worker who was doing super clean up (...its gets the kids juiced if you throw a "super" in front of it) had a mop in her hand and said "have you ever seen the episode of the cosby show where he is teaching Rudy how to mop?" and then continues to act it out...

I kinda laughed and said "oh no, I havent seen many epsiodes..." and THEN REALIZED THAT I FINALLY HAVE ANOTHER COSBY REFERENCE FOR MY BLOG!


I have been waiting for this moment. I am sure you have too. Thank you Chelsea, for mentioning the puddin'poppin'pimpin'one that is huxtablicious!

I remember everything.

This weekend a few friends and I sat around a coffee table full of fun recreational substances and recapped about 230919340293201 stories from our countless years of growing up that we all spent together. This is the year all of my friends are turning 21, and we have all been a large tight knit clan since about 6th or 7th grade, and some of us since about kindergarden. We litterally spent hours reliving ALL of the crazy and wonderful times we all enjoyed each others company. It was pretty beautiful, in retrospect, realizing that the adults that sit beside us now were the kids who sat beside us then- and as much as we have all changed, we are all still the same.

Nostolgia is thick in the air as we move up the life ranks.
Thanks everybody, for stickin' it out with me :] Home is where your heart is<3

btw- I will be video logging soon. Wait for it...........

COINCIDENCES-A-PLENTY and MY VERY OWN NEW DEAL. This week in fateful headlines.

So remeber that vow of lentation I took to assit my own personal failing economy? Well it seems that God has handed me a stimulus, in the form of an amazing babysitting opperitunity with way too many perks. Wait, Let me rewind here...so I have been on the job hunt for a minute, trying to find another source of income. With the job market being so terrible right now, I was at my wits end and was THIS CLOSE to swallowing my pride and returning the my loathed high school job at Baskin Robbins. (I hated...repeat HATED so many things about that place, so believe me going back was not something I EVER EVER EVER wanted to resort too). THE DAY that I finally decided to call ol' steve chai from BR, I got a call from a guy who found me on Care.com (a childcare networking site) who had two 4 year old twin girls and needed a nanny every sunday all the way through summer...paying 30 fucking dollars an hour. Mind you, my babysitting rate is 12 per hour. I went over to interview and these people live in a filthy rich neighborhood in the peidmont hills, where everyhouse looks like a castle and every driveyway has a Benz, Beamer, Lexus or equivilant. I snagged the job and had my first day today. As challenging as it was (4 year olds are quite tiring), it is perfect. The whole situation, and truley a blessing from Mr. Man upstairs. I wore my Obama shirt to work today and then found out that the father and his partner (who are lawyers I believe) are very politically active and have actually MET THE MAN HIMSELF!!!! I am babysitting for a man who has been in the physical presence of fucking Barack Obama. So thank you Barack, God, and this wonderful family for handing me such an amazing opperitunity at my very own New Deal. I will be out of debt in NO TIME :]




So kids, If I can share anything that I have learned with you it would be this; fate is in full force and god helps thoes that help themselves. As I witnessed the physical embodiment of a fateful past mistake this week (with way too much ammo behind it) I was humbled by the idea of where I was, where I am going, and how I have gotten myself there :]

This is the randomest, most entertaining thing I have stumbled across in while.

Let me just say that my boyfriend is the most anit-internet, ill-tech savy, never-hadda-social-netwoking-site-in-his-life kinda guy ever. He simply goes on to watch youtube because he doesn't have cable.

Now check it, I search online for one of my favorite local vietnamese resturaunte's website to find their menu and number and I click onto one of thoes foody-review blogs (it was the SECOND listing google gave me, so I thought it was pretty legit)and low and behold I find this...


The gentlman to that ladies right (our left) is my boyfriend. And more than likely that ladys head is blocking me. As whatev as this might be to many...it made me laugh for a good 30 seconds straight. I am sure anyone else who knows Ross will find it amusing too.

Kids remember, The internet is a crazy and dangerous place. you can find ANYTHING on the world wide web.

Happy Fat Tuesday!

With lent being right around the corner I figure I might declare here and now what I shall give up. In light of Obamas first address to congress I have decided to give up...(drum roll)

UNNECCESSARY SPENDING!

Riviting, I know. But alas, it is quite a terrible vice of mine and something I NEED to get control of anyway. Because I go way too broke way too much. So friends, know this! I will not be attending any more expensive nights out that requires me to drop bills on drank, cover or what have you. I will not be going out to eat, to the movies, or other *tedious activities. I wont buy coffee evey single day, I will make it and drink it at home, fuck man, I will take a bag lunch to school.

So I ask this, America. Ok... or just my friends. Please assit, or at least understand when I decline on outings or things that will suck me dry of my money. When I can't chip in on a lot of 21 birthday events and when you recieve homemade gifts for these birthdays :] I will overcome my own recession amist the countries own and together we all will prevail with lots of cash in our pockets and debt paid off! Holllla if ya hear me!

I will keep posted on my progress. Wish me luck!




*Marijuana not included

Between the cracks.

The cracks in your head boy.

I just spent the last 10 hours writing an essay for english on the topic of Gender in America- essentially arguing the Nature vs. nurture shiet. Offa twomaanny addderhals, tons of coffee and almost no food I literally feel like my eyes are going to explode and that my knees and fingers are going to fall off.



I felt that feeling again.
The one I though I never would.
The one where my brain locks my mouth so tight that I can barley breathe.
I could have sworn you were him.
With the way you made me hate myself.
With the way you made me hate myself.


Just let me beeeee myself.
By myself.

This week was berzerk. My hardwiring is crashing into piles of metal and dust.

Wish you were here....<3


fuck, speaking of crack this post looks like I wrote it on crack.


"absence makes the heart grow fonder"

On this episode of "I reccomend..."

I bring forth to you the major motion picture titled "The Fall". I have completely fallen in love with it. Check it, maybe you will too.

http://www.thefallthemovie.com/



That little girl kills it though. COMPLETELY steals the show.

Idiot alert! And no, its not Dr. Phil...

He came in third in this ding-dong race.

Since I moved in with my boyfriends family I have been stuck watching basic cable (they keep it simple) And although I have a new appreciation for Two and a Half Men and How I met your Mother, I officially HATE Dr. Phil. Not that I was a big fan or even avid watcher, but I did tune in to last nights episode. And was APPAULED.

Lemme give it to ya straight- the premise of the episode was about young girls "Growing up too fast" and featured a family whose 14 year old daughter seems to be dressing "provacativly", doing poorly in school and is just "so different" than their "wonderful, modest, overachieving" twelve year old. The parents do not know what to do about it and have, I assume, taken it to Dr. Phil to get some answers, in which, really, they recieved none. Dr. Phile just did a whole lot of high horsin' and covering wounds with atrificial band-aid approaches. God damn that hick likes to hear the sound of his own voice. I could have given better advice than he did.


I don't want to bore you with my own analysis of what a group of MORONS these people (yes, both the parents AND Dr. Phil) are..so if you have the time to waste (or a good grip on your sanity for that matter) check it out. http://www.drphil.com/shows/show/1223

Let me just end my rant by saying although this show wasn't controversial or any different than most shows with this content it still brought me to tears. These two individuals are completely ignorant. Their inability to see that it is THEIR OWN lack of genuine love and nurturing that is the root of the problem is complete blasphemy and fills me with nothing but sympathy for that poor girl. I cannot believe how many adults as ill equipped to be suitable parents and do nothing but ruin the child they have reared themselves. That woman should have has her tubes tied before she even could menstuarate.

Kfine, Im done here. Come find me in the Dr. Phil Forums.

ps: Under Oprahs own biggest regrets in life I do hope she includes sponsoring and creating the monster that is Dr. Phil

Swanky nights in the Valley.

So last night I went out with my mom and two of my best friends to Karaoke at Dinos resturaunte on the Castro Valley Blvd. Now, thoes of you who live in the tri-city area (SL, Haystacks and the valley) I am sure you are aware of the essence of Castro Valley. The tweakers, the hicks, the spanky-licious biker chicks and broskimos- pretty much everything castro valley chooses to be is white trash. Now I know, I am all hopped up on hater-aid, but my expirience at karaoke last night was just the pinicle of everything I am talking about, therefor making this all too blogworthy.

I don't have enough time, self composure or vocabulary for that matter to give you a play by play of the night. Just picture this. Old ladies with white mullets, lace 80's unitard-turtleneck-onesies, gross old men fingering the rim of my boots and trying to show me "what I am missing" on the dance floor. Skanky spankylicious meth head chicks donning a belly shirt, skull suspenders and payless kswiss knock offs seducing grandpa in the front row about to have heart attack from all the blood rushing to his raging member (but he still had enough in him to take some camera phone pics boooyyyeee!) Men telling me they "sure like the heels" on my "sisters"(moms) boots. Two steppin and trippin grannies, cowboys and millichichi wannabes. The crowd was not all terrible though, a few groups of young people came in and we all danced to 80's jams on the floor which was quite fun (except for the fuckhead who completely butchured my favorite new wave jam of all time, Ah-Ha's Take on Me). I danced, I sang and as I threw back the vodka and sutter home I realized I was having the most fun I have had in a long time. More fun than any night out in the city, than any lounge I've been to or any hip-bar night Ive had. With two of my best friends, my mother and the crazy (and unnactactive) locals of the Castrizzoo Vizz-alley.

But check it- Bill Cosby was on Leno last night. Return of the Puddin' Pops! Man do I wish he was at Dinos last night...

The Top Ten People I Would Like To Burn With.

1. My Dad.
2. Barack Obama.
3. Paul Macartney.
4. Snoop Dog and or Kat Williams
5. John Krasinski...or Rain Wilson...Or Steve Carral.
6. Taylor Hanson.
7. Chris Lilley.
8. Bill Clonton.
9. Mr. Minton (an old drama teacher).
10.Freidrich Nietzche.